If my maxim for 2018 was to “live brave,” then it seems only right that in 2019 it would be to “grow braver!” This means that I’m going to have to allow myself to be more vulnerable as I’m acknowledging and accepting my choices, relationships, desires, pursuits, and behaviors. As my son Luke would say, “this is a really big dill.” Yes, as in a sour pickle.

I can’t write about nurturing a brave life without talking about caring for our mental health. This is a touchy subject for many people, and as a result, an area of life where most people are grievously under-educated. I include myself in that last statement. I want to share some of my personal story of depression and a recent discovery of anxiety with you today.

It has been a little over two years now since I left my position as a very successful Sales Manager with a large local real estate firm here in Houston. I loved my job and the people I worked with at the company. At the time I resigned, I was dealing with more than my fair share of family crises. My employer was aware of all of the factors that were crashing down on me at the time, and I had been open with my co-workers on how I was feeling and the pressures I was experiencing.

Looking back on it now I can see that I was severely depressed while I was working and doing my best to meet the demands of all of the people who needed me. I’m writing this because recently it hit me; I wonder what would have happened if my employer had reached out to me with resources on mental health during my time of crisis. What if they had suggested a short-term disability or taking advantage of the Family Medical Leave Act to be able to regroup. What if they just said, “Lisa we care about you and see that you are struggling. Have you talked to anyone professionally about your stress level?” I can’t answer why they didn’t talk to me about these things. Maybe there was a Human Resources or privacy conflict. The result was I became unemployed, and the company lost a valuable human asset.

 

It was another four months after leaving the company before I went to my doctor seeking help for depression. She prescribed medication, and within a few weeks, my outlook was improving. I stayed on medication for a little over six months, and it helped me as I adjusted to my new normal putting lives back together and working through the process of having Luke diagnosed with Autism. Later, I added exercise, writing, and time with friends to help put balance back into my life and supporting my mental health. I eventually added a Keto lifestyle diet into the mix to support my body’s physical healing.

Recently, I discovered something else about my mental health. This December, Robert gave me a special gift. A Cardigan Welsh Corgi we named Zeus became a part of our family. Having Zeus around decreases my stress level and anxiety tremendously. The funny part is that I didn’t even know how anxious I was until I experienced the anxious energy escaping my body when holding Zeus or having him nearby. This unexpected discovery has informed me that I have more to work on to release my fears and grow braver.

I’ve had plenty of distractions the last two years as a primary caregiver for two special needs children and an aging parent. I’m still helping my mom to re-establish her life here in Houston after the sudden death of my father almost three years ago now. Luke continues to need additional support, new resources, and advocacy. Robert’s job responsibilities have continued to increase keeping him away from home for long hours. Robert and my duties are not going away, and I expect them to become more complicated as time passes. But I found so much joy, despite the chaos, by doing more of the things I love like writing, cooking, eating, traveling, and being with my friends and family that I am driven to pursue this lifestyle on a larger scale.

Growing braver and allowing myself to have more is going to require reflection, healing, forgiveness, trust, and change. My readers will see this reflected in my blog this year. Cluck Howl Crow is going to become more of a lifestyle blog where I will share my history, experiences, ideas, and ways we all can live and grow braver. This blog is where I’m going to allow myself to be vulnerable.

How is this different from the last year of writing? Well, most of the time I was writing with my “coaching hat” in place. That is a big part of who I am so I don’t expect that voice to diminish, but in keeping with my goals of creating a life filled with the people, places, and activities that I love, I’m going to add more of “just Lisa” into my writing.

This feels scary. The negative self-talk says things like, “Nobody wants to see your stupid food pictures. Keto is a ridiculous diet. Cat people don’t care about your Corgi. Who wants to hear about disabilities, mental health, Autism, and aging in place, besides your friends? You are going to embarrass your kids and husband. People are going to be mean to you and make fun of your work.”

There is probably truth in each of those statements. But they are all somebody else’s truth, not mine. I‘m going to be me with the hope that I’ll find a tribe that will relate, and that will feel elevated, and inspired by my work.

The other change is that I’m modifying my business focus back into real estate. I had avoided real estate because it brought back painful memories and feelings of loss. But taking the time to reflect and forgive myself for not being able to do it all and recognize that my brain and body were dealing with the stress of mental illness and needed to heal has been freeing. I’ve also forgiven the people and the company’s systems that failed to hold me up when I was crashing. Maybe it is a coincidence that this pain was released just recently with the addition of Zeus or perhaps it was just the right amount of time going by. But I’m energized by the prospect of engaging in the world of real estate again this year.

I will be starting another blog,  www.realestateroost.com. I want to take my fifteen years of real estate experience and help people avoid the pitfalls of buying, selling, or leasing real estate. I’ll also help people who might be considering a career in real estate get started and offer training to agents. I’ll let everyone know when this site is ready to share.

Thank you for being a reader. Thank you for sharing my journey and being a part of my tribe. Leave me a comment and please be a subscriber. Help me to spread the word about my blog by sharing it on Facebook and Instagram.

Live Brave,
Lisa