Audible is my friend. Audible is “books on tape” on steroids. I don’t have to figure out which CD to play next because they were inserted out of order in their sleeves or use a pencil to rewind the tape into place that has ribboned down out of a cassette from overuse. I especially love listening to authors narrate their own stories, experiences, and lessons. Recently I finished“Of Mess and Moxie: Wrangling Delight out of This Wild and Glorious Life” by Jen Hatmaker. It was a personal roller coaster ride of laughter, tears, revelations, and reckonings. When I picked the book, I knew nothing of Jen Hatmaker. I liked the title, and how it resonated with my daily life. My life is genuinely full of both mess and moxie. Living in the Bible Belt, had I known she was best known as a Christian Author I might have passed this one over, and I am so glad it found it’s way into my hands. Serendipity, Jesus or a just a good title, you decide how that happened. Jen shares stories of her life, recipes, personal insights into her relationship with God and Jesus, and raising a family in Texas.

One of the chapters is titled “Bonus Moms.” I always thought this would be how my life would look, having a group of friends that had babies together and shared motherhood to the point of co-parenting. I imagined group camping trips or theme park visits. Celebrating graduations, sporting events, sharing mothers day out, shopping, school parties, anniversaries, and couch sitting with wine. I certainly discovered the couch sitting with wine! The “with friends” part came late though. Two of my “lieblings” have special needs, and the truth is that this is intensely excluding. Churchs, schools, shopping malls, playgroups, scouting groups, restaurants, other families, you name it, the not welcome shingle was prevalent for us. Finding places to fit in and be accepted is hard when you have differently abled kids. It took years to find a tribe, and my pack of mamas is incredible. My closest pals all have special children, dark senses of humor, love to travel and camp, and can couch sit with wine like pros. What we do not have is the ability to co-parent. These children’s needs do not lend themselves to sleepovers for date night or letting them run in the park together while we catch up on last nights episode of “The Batchelor”. I have always felt blessed to have my “special friends” because we share a bond and a story, unlike most women. We often tell each other how lucky we are to have found each other through our children. There is profound truth in that statement. What I realized in listening to Jen Hatmaker is that if my kiddos were “typical” children, how different my life would be today. I spend so much time trying to find services, supports, appropriate activities, attending doctor appointments, filling out forms, and parenting, that I don’t have time to stop and think about the loss. I have discovered that I minimize the amount of work it is to care for my children. I say things to myself like “This is just my normal.” or “Any other parent would do the same. It’s what parents do.” Those may be true statements, but the real truth is that most parents do not have to do the things my girlfriends and I do each day and will have to continue for our lifetimes. I do not resent the “other parents,” those who have a life that Jen describes in her book. I do want them to know that this life with special kids is hard and can be terribly isolating. This is supremely true for families with children whose differences are not immediately visible and those whose children have emotional or behavioral divergences.

My kiddos have emboldened me with mess and moxie, and my friendships have helped me wrangle delight from life. I didn’t acknowledge that I was missing a part of the adventure of my life until hearing Jen Hatmaker’s stories. I think it is time to expand my circle and invite in some new friends. I’m going to start looking for a few Bonus Moms to add to the tribe. Maybe that is the Grace delivered through the message of Jen’s book that happened to find its way into my Audible account. I recommend Jen Hatmaker’s “Of Mess and Moxie: Wrangling Delight out of This Wild and Glorious Life.” If you do not find a particular message that rings true for you, I guarantee you will enjoy a laugh and a few good recipes.