We begin new journeys on our own. We decide on a goal, and we are off and running towards our destination. Sometimes we are chasing our dreams, and other times we are trying to climb our way out of the crater made from a piece of the sky falling on us. We begin alone because the first step of the journey is our decision to move away from where we are and towards something new. But I’m speaking from experience when I say “Avoid going solo for the entire trip.”

In 1998 I was living outside of Chicago and blindsided by divorce. My marriage had been through some rocky times and a pretty weighty relationship challenge three years earlier, but we came out of that crisis with a new commitment to each other and our family. During that time I was working thirty hours a week at our local library. I was driving my husband back and forth to work because we only had one car. I was responsible for all the household duties, taking the oldest to singing lessons, choir practice, advocating for our youngest special needs daughter, and hosting weekend get-togethers for my husband’s work friends to watch the sport dejure in our home. I was Donna Reed on steroids. He decided that he wanted to run away with “Gidget” and “The Donna Reed Show” was canceled.

I made things work with an “I can” attitude for many years during my first marriage, and that continued while I was surviving that loss and rebuilding my life. One day in a gift shop I found a small drawing of a woman flying up towards the stars with her hands reaching out as if to grab one of them. The quote below the image simply said, “I Can.” I saw this as a reminder of my strength and ability to succeed. I purchased it, and it sat on my desk and reminded me daily that I can have the things I reach for.

Growth happens quickly in compressed time and during our greatest personal challenges. It was during this time that I learned how to expand the magic powers of the mantra “I Can” by adding a few words to the phrase. The first change was when I clarified that “I can, doesn’t mean I should.” These extra words still help me to reflect on my larger goals and how a choice can help me achieve it or take me on a detour that might be fun, but costly.

The second addition was the most important one and can conjure more power than the word Abracadabra! It is similar to “Expecto Patronum!”, for my Harry Potter fans, and can summon up a positive force with incredible strength. Are you ready for it? “I can ask for help.”

Those words make miraculous things happen when we remember to use them. How often do we plunder our way through a problem, trial, or even an exciting new opportunity alone? I know I did for many years, and I’m not the only woman I know who is guilty of forgetting this maxim. I just did my best to figure it out and get things done. When I did ask for help, I typically thought I was imposing and often felt guilty or ashamed that I couldn’t do it on my own.

Thank goodness I’ve finally learned the joy of sharing my life and experiences that come with supporting each other when you ask for help. When you think about it, what you are really doing is collaborating. Isn’t that one of today’s buzzwords, collaboration? You are connecting with each other to achieve a goal that might be as small as picking up a child after school or sharing a moment of grief, or as large as developing a business or funding a dream. There is nothing weak, helpless, or shameful in asking for help. It is the opposite. It is supercharging.

I don’t know the decisions you face or what choices will need to make to take you where you want to be in your future. Those will be yours alone to make. But you don’t have to explore the landscape alone, and you don’t have to travel solo. I encourage you to be on the lookout for friends and strangers along the way that can lift you up, lighten your load and enhance your experiences. All you have to do is remember these words, “I can ask for help.”